is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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