the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
