Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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