the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
