I just saw a hot homeless man
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
