I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
