it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
