apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
