just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
