i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
