I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
