That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
