are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I intend to get homeless drunk
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
