I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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