These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Too much gin, very little bucket
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
