Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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