i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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