I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
