Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
