You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
