I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
