when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
last night I used snow as a chaser
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
