there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
