Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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