I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
