Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
