Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
