i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
