I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
