she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
