You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
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