YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
