I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
