My room smells like vodka and shame
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
My feet surprised me
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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