Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
