Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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