When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
