Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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