normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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