I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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