I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
