I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Randomize
