and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
