i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
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