The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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