I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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