he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
