Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
