i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
We had sex on a dog bed..
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
