You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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