Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
this will be a night to untag.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
