I heard we made out
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
