I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
