since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
