I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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