I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
