One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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