Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
