is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
