all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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