I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
